Bored? Anxious? Welcome to the new normal

Well folks, New Zealand has just started four weeks of lockdown as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. It’s only taken a couple of weeks to go from “it can’t happen here” to “stay at home or else”, and the whole thing is pretty surreal. Just like it is for everyone in the world right now.

In keeping with the tone of some previous posts I could get all meditative and philosophical about the reasons why this has happened, but now is not that time. This shit is too real for that. Now is a time to focus on how to survive physically and mentally until this thing burns itself out, or until a vaccine is produced, whichever comes first. Either way it’s gonna take months.

The whole thing is nightmarish, but you have to look at some silver linings. It might make empathy a political priority. It’s going to put a massive dent in Trump’s re-election hopes. It levels the playing field between people so that everyone now has a common enemy, meaning people might see the similarities between them instead of the differences. And it will definitely sort the men from the boys when it comes to managing personal relationships. Girls: if you were wishing you could dump that selfish, leeching, control freak – now’s your chance. If he’s awol during this, you don’t need him.

A lot will also take this as a sign of the apocalypse, realisation of ancient prophecies and all that crap. The reality is this is what nature does. Microbes have been around for billions of years for a reason. The fact that there are now so many people in the world now brings us in closer contact with them more often. End result – newbies like e-bola, bird and swine flu and SARS, and all those ancient hitmen like TB and measles entering our lives like gate crashers at a share market convention. Even the bubonic plague is still around in some parts of the world, but it can be killed by antibiotics these days so its days of horror are over. The fact that this latest viral threat has turned the world upside down is one for the history books, but at least it can be stopped by simple patience and space.

Bubbles, that’s what we are

There’s a lot of talk about bubbles these days – the virus lives in a bubble, bubbles in the soapy water that can kill them, don’t step outside your lockdown bubble, speech bubbles in the media. The main thing about bubbles is they seal you off from the outside world.

I was putting together the basics for the next Hopkinsville Goblins product when this broke, but I’ll have to put that on hold. Some artists might embrace isolation as a space for creativity, but I’m not one of them. I get most of my ideas while I’m flat out doing stuff, so this is going to wrap all that up in packing tape. The new tracks were mainly celebrations of the undertow of humanity, and that isn’t possible when you aren’t able to see anyone. Boredom and isolation are not my muse. My little guys are. And they have retreated a million miles (literally). Human beings may have no resistance to this, but spare a thought for them. The common cold would deal to them, never mind some whacked out freshly mutated virus that doesn’t mind taking out its host.

So what to do instead? Apart from the invisible threat, boredom and anxiety are now our biggest enemy. So here is my guide to getting by. Purely personal and not too earth shattering, but hopefully you can relate to some of it.

Sex. And why not. That will take care of about 7 minutes and 35 seconds of most guy’s days. Hey fellas: why not treat this as the chance to practice a bit of extended foreplay. Find out if the female orgasm is really as elusive as bigfoot or if it can actually exist in your home. There should be plenty of reference material available with unlimited broadband during lockdown. Apparently Italians have been provided with unlimited porn for the duration. I think people in New Zealand have this one covered though, given the spike in viagara sales when the lockdown was announced.

Drugs. If you are stuck at home without much else on, no kids, no family, girlfriend stuck at her parent’s place, there’s always drugs. Not that they will be easily obtained during a lockdown, but I’m sure that won’t be a barrier to some. The only problem is most drugs aren’t really a cure for boredom. Anything that hypes you up is just going to make the walls close in. Booze similarly is not the greatest idea. It could be fun for a while but then you’ll hit the wall and need to escape. So you’ll head outside looking for stimulation on streets with none. And then the cops might ask what you are doing and you might end up getting really confined. Hmm… all things considered drugs aren’t the best idea. Unless you count wacky weed, which usually makes boredom positively fascinating.

Rock’n’roll. When I was told I was heading into a four week lockdown I thought I might catch up on some new sounds, get nostalgic on some old ones and generally have 24/7 music in the house. The only problem is, now I’m stuck here, I can’t find anything I really want to listen to. Nothing seems to really fit with what is going on. My usual go to of punk is too aggressive and this is not the time to be angry. Rock pumps you up with nowhere to go, and I don’t really feel like celebrating anything anyway. Going the other way, anything ambient is too unsettling and just makes the confinement even more pronounced. Especially something like “Zeit” by Tangerine Dream, which is literally the sound of your life draining away. I tried a bit of reggae but all that positivity just seems too trite right now. Don’t worry about a thing and all that. And if radio could stop playing gung-ho retro crap like “We are the world” all the time it would help a lot. I even heard “All by myself” on some classic shits station this morning. Way to help people going through isolation alone, Wolfman Dork. The only thing that’s resonated for me so far is “Truck drivin’ neighbour downstairs” by Beck. Not that I have one, but it makes me snigger thinking about the absurdity of that as a lockdown environment.

So that’s the holy trinity of passtimes knocked about without too much success. So what else is there?

Books. I have enough piled up to last me a lifetime. But you can’t share them with the people you live with so it’s a bit of a selfish option, no matter how appealing it is.

Videos. Better. Fun for everyone if you can agree on what to watch. And when you run out of DVDs there’s enough online to last several lifetimes, assuming the bandwidth holds up.

Wacky stuff. Hey I’m not an extrovert exhibitionist so I don’t have any ideas of my own, but there’s heaps of inspiration online so knock yourself out.

Working from home. Yeah, right. Like that really happens.

Sleeping in. Not if you are working from home though, you liars.

Avoiding the news. Definitely. Stick to half an hour a day if you don’t want your head to implode. And avoid social media whatever you do, unless you have the power to filter out the screeds of crap and misinformation. It’s the new water cooler for those working from home.

Arguing with your spouse. Obviously not a deliberate pastime, but it’s bound to take up at least some of your time if you’re locked up together for this long.

Yelling at your kids. Likewise to the above.

Talking to your pets. Not a bad alternative to the above.

Walking, breathing, meditating. Seriously. It’s good for you.

Sex. Oops, already said that.

Turning your living room into a gym. As an add-on to sex and breathing.

Learning how to cook. All the takeaways are shut so you’ll have to. Noodles will get pretty boring after a couple of days.

Teaching your grandparents how to Whatsapp. Now this one is sure to take up some time!

All those DIY jobs you’ve been ignoring for years. Yep. They will be unavoidable now. And you’ll even start to notice all the cobwebs on the ceiling.

Or taking a voyage of discovery to the edge of insanity. There ain’t nowhere left to go ‘cept crazy.

That should be enough for starters. 

I usually finish a post with a link to our product, but that seems a bit self-serving at this point, and I’m celebrating the lack of capitalism in the world at the moment. If you want to check us out during your lockdown, go for it and thanks. There’s links on the site. Otherwise, stay safe, follow the rules and hopefully it will all be over soon.